Stranger

for a moment

it shines

the new self

the being created

a reminder

that

change is real

the dinge of the past

acknowledged

set aside

can be polished

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i have been spoiled by the couch

occupying it, cat like

picking the spot that doesn’t give quite enough room

to it’s other inhabitants

I have been spoiled by the tv

wide and bright and full of sounds and dancing colors

I have been spoiled by the dynamics

of another person

taking up space like air, filling the nooks and dust motes

with awareness if not sound

I have been spoiled with love

leaking it through every pore

weeping into laughter

I have been spoiled with loneliness

the flattening ache

so bluntly unfamiliar to me

where it used to hunt me and haunt me

through crowds of friends

I have been spoiled by my own decisiveness

so used to my mind eyeing my heart

tempering it and flying forward

ignoring nerves

I sit now, lonely

isolated in my single chair

ghostly before the light of my computers screen

the silence filled only with my own breathe

unsure how to proceed.

Wallowing in what used to be me,

missing myself as I am now.

Down

i am always astounded

to find the walls I didn’t remember erecting

i have broken so many of them

down

then it was bindings

wrapped in straight jackets

straps and chains oh my

carefully navigated

down

to bare skin

only thinking that it was naked

not knowing there was more to expose

down

to the core

flesh unzipping

bones gently encasing

my soft delicate self

fingers slipping through the slit

feeling air

longing to slip into this new life

Learning to Trust

I know too well

the anxiety of a toddler

the fear of a dog

brought home from the pound

you have been gone for hours

it might as well be lifetimes

but then to, I understand deeply

the growing of trust

for you always come back

it feels like a sapling

stretching from my heart

up to the stars

down to the earth

and I am always happy to see you

Feeling Feline Falconry

sweet revelations

darling resolutions

bright realizations

out of the darkling time

boasts the broken heart

shattered pieces crystallized

then further broke apart

til the dust shimmered

in the moon’s half light

coalescing, dancing

and rebuilt itself

into a sturdy and fur soft heart

beating more slowly

deeply pondering it’s breadth

discovering it has wings and roots

and all sorts of fancy stuff

brave though not without fear

thrusting itself into trust

jumping from cliffs to soar hither and thither

always a tiny tether to follow home

never lost even when lonely

no hurt could ever be as great

as that massive twilit break

no holes, no missing bits

found a place where it fits

so, it sits.