i have been spoiled by the couch

occupying it, cat like

picking the spot that doesn’t give quite enough room

to it’s other inhabitants

I have been spoiled by the tv

wide and bright and full of sounds and dancing colors

I have been spoiled by the dynamics

of another person

taking up space like air, filling the nooks and dust motes

with awareness if not sound

I have been spoiled with love

leaking it through every pore

weeping into laughter

I have been spoiled with loneliness

the flattening ache

so bluntly unfamiliar to me

where it used to hunt me and haunt me

through crowds of friends

I have been spoiled by my own decisiveness

so used to my mind eyeing my heart

tempering it and flying forward

ignoring nerves

I sit now, lonely

isolated in my single chair

ghostly before the light of my computers screen

the silence filled only with my own breathe

unsure how to proceed.

Wallowing in what used to be me,

missing myself as I am now.

Advertisements

Scarred

dearest goddess,

please help me.

don’t let those I love get lost in fear and pain.

guide them back to where I can reach them.

i hold my hands out to you, to them, to all.

let them feel my love through their skin

smell it in the scent of my tears

see it in the way my mouth forms words in silence

let them accept it and please, help them heal.

blessed be

let them and me be blessed be

bless them and me in three

Last Night

Last night

other’s pain rekindled my own

pushing on old scars

from many,many years ago

Last night

I cried as the scab peeled off

for me and them

and found pink skin, delicate and soft

Last night

I knew yet again

that pain is learning

without it no healing can begin

Last night

you stayed with me

to make sure I was ok

it was precious, coloring today

my new day