i have been spoiled by the couch

occupying it, cat like

picking the spot that doesn’t give quite enough room

to it’s other inhabitants

I have been spoiled by the tv

wide and bright and full of sounds and dancing colors

I have been spoiled by the dynamics

of another person

taking up space like air, filling the nooks and dust motes

with awareness if not sound

I have been spoiled with love

leaking it through every pore

weeping into laughter

I have been spoiled with loneliness

the flattening ache

so bluntly unfamiliar to me

where it used to hunt me and haunt me

through crowds of friends

I have been spoiled by my own decisiveness

so used to my mind eyeing my heart

tempering it and flying forward

ignoring nerves

I sit now, lonely

isolated in my single chair

ghostly before the light of my computers screen

the silence filled only with my own breathe

unsure how to proceed.

Wallowing in what used to be me,

missing myself as I am now.

Feminine

never before

did the value of femininity

matter

I did not appreciate my own

other’s was questionable

raised to see the behaviors

as weakness

softly starting to accept

it is a side of myself to not hide

odd

how much it matters now

how much gratitude I have

for the appreciation

of my girly ways

awkward

as I learn to be

my version of

female