i have been spoiled by the couch

occupying it, cat like

picking the spot that doesn’t give quite enough room

to it’s other inhabitants

I have been spoiled by the tv

wide and bright and full of sounds and dancing colors

I have been spoiled by the dynamics

of another person

taking up space like air, filling the nooks and dust motes

with awareness if not sound

I have been spoiled with love

leaking it through every pore

weeping into laughter

I have been spoiled with loneliness

the flattening ache

so bluntly unfamiliar to me

where it used to hunt me and haunt me

through crowds of friends

I have been spoiled by my own decisiveness

so used to my mind eyeing my heart

tempering it and flying forward

ignoring nerves

I sit now, lonely

isolated in my single chair

ghostly before the light of my computers screen

the silence filled only with my own breathe

unsure how to proceed.

Wallowing in what used to be me,

missing myself as I am now.

Personal

once upon a time

a child broken slowly

into shards

gently crammed into a cup

bouquet of jagged edges

swirling behind the smooth porcelain

lifetimes passed

each age adding tar and stars

binding the fragments

into an illusion of stability

delicate container grew into a pot

big, safe with a spout to pour out tidbits

self to give to everybody else

once upon a moment

the smallest, biggest thing

from the inside

explosive conflagration

leaving nothing but dust

sparkling, settling, drifting

shaking fingers covered

weeping mouth silent with shock

then there were more hands

palms upturned to catch the fallout

to capture the tears cascade

gently folding the one into the other

clay created in the desert

laid at at dirty feet

a new vessel made

discoveries joy

elation’s fingerprints left

imprinted with love

wholly put together

cracks remained

healed with silver and blood

ink and mud

beautiful all the same

Well, Hulloo There!

Unexpected

last night

i met myself

i think

first i met all the folks

i used to believe I was

they came to my table

one by one

two by two

trying to catch my attention

some were silent

some were gorgeous

some were pushy

some were obnoxious

then the girl that shared arrived

i think i knew it was me

by her eyes

a wilted rose she gave me

the petals and thorns falling in my hands

til just the stem was left

we ooh’d and ahh’d and decided to taste

the healing gel it contained

it was roses and green and soft

til the tart sour made saliva pour from our mouths

we decided to pickle it

or maybe make jelly

then we smiles at each other

recognition of understanding

our lips touched

to wake me from my slumber

comprehension

dawning with the sun